Ro-Man, an alien that looks remarkably like a gorilla in a diving helmet, has destroyed all but six people on the planet Earth. He spends the entire film trying to finish off these survivors, but complications arise when he falls for the young woman in the group. And there's his ominous "Laurence Whelk"bubble machine!
Original title : Robot Monster
Director(s) : Phil Tucker
Writer(s) : Wyott Ordung (screenplay)i
Length : 66 min
Monster from Mars - (undefined)
Monsters from the Moon - USA (TV title)
Robot Monster - Spain
You only think you have seen Robot Monster at its Gonzo greatest, but you really haven't until you watch it with two sports and oldies fans Big Chuck and Lil Jon, a show with the technical grace of an apple II-E and standards that would almost be forgivable on public access, but this airs on a Cleveland FOX affiliate. Cleveland must blow.
You may be curious as to why a Psychotronic-centric site took so long to show this obvious choice – well, you have never seen it like this before – hosted by Big Chuck and Lil Jon. This is one of the worst horror film hosted/variety shows I have ever seen and I have seen every episode of the HILLARIOUS HOUSE OF FRIGHTENSTEIN, which in all fairness was so low rent it never even aired a film. You will be effing amazed that these well-meaning (sport’s fans?) make fun of Director Phil Tucker’s ineptitude when you see them parade their stunningly inept Monty Python like sketches that they show instead of or in place of commercials. Their show opens with a midget slave (?) Lil Jon who hits a giant swami (?) Big Chuck in the goons with a gong hammer. This is the brass ring, B-Movie fans; ROBOT MONSTER hosted by a show with worse material than the movie itself. Please, try not to turn it off during Big Chuck and Lil Jon “fun with King Kong” montage. Watch the original theatrical trailer for ROBOT MONSTER and then tune in Saturday for Big Chuck and Lil Jon’s presentation of the film. This is also an oldies show but I can't figure out why; the opening song?
In all fairness Big Chuck does have a set of pipes like Charles Napier and looks a bit like him as well.
They both seem like good guys having fun, but for a show that is actually aired and has won several local Emmys it is a jaw dropper.
Conman/Director rolls into Dirt Water USA and flimflams the yokels to pay to be in and work on this cinematic turd and like Keyser Söze “poof” and he’s gone. In all fairness, you will be in awe of the ineptitude displayed here. Ever see a carpet screw a car, you will. Like watching a giant planarian worm made of carpet with Slinky’s for a face eat pretty girls, you’ll love this one. Have you pondered why pretty young girls go to the woods wearing bikinis—you won’t find the answers here but you will witness it. The monster is basically a crapped up two man horse costume with a dirty s by old rug tossed on top of it. The monster sucks so bad that in one scene a guy holds it off for about 30 seconds by beating it with an acoustic guitar. When those losers at the Golden Turkey awards crowned Plan 9 From Outer Space the worst film of all-time (a film that I think is very good) they must have watched the Creeping Terror wearing earplugs and blindfolds. One of greatest bits in this film is where they ran out of sound film so while people are talking a narrator is dubbed over and tells you what they are saying. I love this movie so much!
Tenderfoot Burton and his wife join forces with an old prospector to search for the rich gold strike the old-timer claims to know of. Along with a couple of no-account gunslingers, they ride deep into the mountains to find the gold, unaware that the treasure is guarded by an all-female tribe of deadly, beautiful, and topless Indians. It is rumored that Ed Wood wrote this using an alias. GRADE A
EDIT:Someone emailed me an article about this film. Turns out that Ed wood did not write the screenplay but it is based on a story he wrote. Oddly the narration is by Ed's best friend Kenne Duncan and uses the same music used in The Beast of Yucca Flats, which stars Tor Johnson and features Conrad Brooks.
Cracked.com called SPIDER’S WEB: A PIG’S TALE “One of the worst movies ever made”? I love Cracked.com but this thing is great. Imagine if you hired a group of Sid-Pink-like grade z cartoons to be in a film, put them on the set and then informed them there was no script and the cameras were rolling. For the love of god, there is a game show in it called “Paddle wackier: The quiz show wear contestants get spanked” and the contestant gets spanked and he is a snake! Judge for yourself... I love this—thing!